I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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