What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i love accidental penises.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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