I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
