i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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