I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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