the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
