Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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