Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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