my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I think my moral compass just broke
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
