I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
