dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
