just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
