I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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