i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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