No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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