He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
