Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
