Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
