dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I wish they made helmets for livers.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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