no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
