is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just gift wrapped bread.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
