i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
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Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
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One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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