So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
