hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
