I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
