So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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