you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
