Me too!
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
