Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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