She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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