as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
