so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
