Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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