I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize