At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
