so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
