Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
