the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
