got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
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She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
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I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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