i jhust puked up my retainher.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
