I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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