I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
