You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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