yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
