; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
