I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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