All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
