I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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