people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
His nipple licking is glorious
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