Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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