You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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