Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
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And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
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You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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