Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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