i think i have two assholes
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
