some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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