come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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