I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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