This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
