went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
