Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Randomize
