For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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