I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
farters have to be the big spoon...
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
